why do i care what my ex is doing

Because your ex is pretending to be over you and doesn’t want to move on; And that’s it. She’s not attracted to you yet. It sounds as if you are NOT completely over him... Go NC until you are and this wont bother you at all. Celebrate your marriage with date night. Susan. Have cell-free hours during the week when you don’t have the kids, even if you’re home.   Your previous content has been restored. In my work with remarried couples, almost 100% of the time they come in for help, it’s because there has been so much focus on the kids and the ex-spouses that the marriage relationship is in the tanker. I will continue to follow the blogs and read as much as I can because it’s making a huge difference in my personal path to clarity. I did take exception with this, “The truth is, the EX is yesterday’s news. He is my Prince Charming!” she will instead be thinking something like, “He doesn’t get it. Then, last week, one of my friends told me that my cheating ex-boyfriend is having a baby with his new girlfriend and she’s already six months pregnant (it was unplanned, apparently). I think a good number of women who have problems with the ex have those problems due in large part to their husbands. By Babe US. My job is to help the stepcouple grow in their partnership in spite of the problems with the ex. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. At least not until some time has passed and his emotions have calmed down. I wrote some of my own thoughts on where I’m at in OUR situation this past week on my site, would love your feedback. This includes those who go to all measures to make you miserable, ie feckless law suits, abusive phone calls, lies, etc I have to agree that it’s impossible to not let this get to you and drive you crazy. Feeling second fiddle, they have doubts about the strength of the stepcouple’s love and commitment to each other. I imagine we’ve brought in some ourselves. But finally he realized that this compromise–I’ll be happy with him if he’ll let me avoid them–sort of works. I have learned to let the kids’ mom just be — she is who she is, and I won’t ever be able to change her. Long Long story short, i was with my ex for 2.5 years. Sometimes, a guy might feel so bad about what happened between him and his ex girl that he may think to himself, “I’ll do anything to prove to her that I’m truly sorry for hurting her. Between lawsuits, alienation, disturbing phone calls, requests for money, etc. Paste as plain text instead, × Finally, most of the women with stepkids I know and work with know better than to fall into the trap of competing with mom. He is a guy, we think with our penis', of course he is going to try to attract women in his life. As for the stepmother side of things, we need compassion too. Thanks to everyone for their balanced perspective on this. Wednesday Martin» Blog Archive » Love, Lust, Sex, Power, Romance: Is There a Third Partner in Your Marriage? The end of a relationship is always a difficult and confusing time in a person's life. I think because of the competitive nature of women with other women (yes I said it and I meant it), the ex-wife/stepmother relationship is especially challenging and if we would all put our egos aside, things would run much more smoothly for everyone. He always the one who text me first and sometimes he asks me to hang out with him. !… and ignore, dismiss, and/or deal with what they don’t like about the EX. If I don't miss my ex, then why do I care that he has a new girlfriend? Tell him, “I don’t want to resent HER, but please talk with me first. July 28, 2013 1:40 PM Subscribe. […] read a post by Susan Wisdom called “Why Do You Care About the Ex?” which addresses the reasons why some StepMoms focus on the BioMom. My ex is being so sweet to me because I threw a tantrum. Why do i still care sooooo much about her? Some of them really move on without a glance to us, some of them don't. Learn how your comment data is processed. Anyway.... You can post now and register later. For the first 2 years of our relationship, I turned my head the other direction. Though I will run into him so will prob be awkward and weird again. There are no other explanations why an ex would withhold your belongings from you. Please don’t tell me what my ex is doing . The stepmothers I know need compassion for all kinds of reasons and most of the time it’s because they’re trying too hard to fit in and find their place within the group. It’s much easier, and it feels much better to be angry at the ex and keep her in a hostile place in your heart. So the answer to the question, “Why do you Care About the Ex” is “because HE still cares about her.” That’s the piece that doesn’t feel good. Was so mad. January 26, 2010. His perception is it’s not working, and anything you say isn’t going to change his mind. I must give him another chance! No one has the exclusive rights to Crazy! Thanks everyone for the comments and fresh perspectives. Let’s face it, a woman could be THE MOST mature person on the planet and struggle with the dynamics of a stepfamily and being a stepmother. Thanks Joy for clarifying this, Joy. After awhile, you do start caring about the ex. Others, who truly loved their ex, can't let go. If my husband puts her wants and needs before mine, if my husband consults her on things before he consults me, if my husband makes decisions with her that affect MY time and I am not consulted…then THAT’S why I care about the ex. It's up to you to decide if you still care about them to try again or if you want to cut them loose completely. I repeat WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE EX?   Your link has been automatically embedded. the stress has been overwhelming. I am stronger each day and KNOW very well he is not the one for me and has so many issues that are beyond my control. ARE we jealous of the ex at this age? He didn’t care if I never saw or had a meal with the ones I got along with! We would all be wise to relate to everyone in the stepfamily system with compassion and understanding. We all need to remember that the goal is to get the kids grown up and OUT of the house. I think every woman partnered with a man with kids needs this encouragement to re-direct her energies and her focus whenever possible, even (perhaps especially!) 11. × If that’s the case, the ex is a DISTANCER and DISTRACTOR in your stepcouple relationship. I know I will run into him and I told him I wouldnt make anyone uncomfortable when that does happen. All rights reserved. Kim is right – None of us are MATURE AND GROWN UP when we’re feeling badly. And you are letting it happen. I can’t tell you the HORROR STORIES I’ve heard over the years of problems with exes. If so, can you talk with him about discussing stuff with YOU first and HER SECOND. You are wise to point out that space needs to be given to one’s husband and their ex-spouse so that they can communicate clearly about the needs and parenting of their children. Skin Care Uniquely You Fashion. Give us a break! Hes on dating sites, adult sites and adding all these girls on fb. And that is 100% right. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Too much focus on everything but the marriage. Some are unreliable, drug and alcohol affected, angry, and unfulfilled people. And I have no idea why he asked that. Have you ever thought about what your stepcouple relationship would be like if you didn’t obsess about the EX? Any past boyfriends....I DO NOT CARE. For many of us in remarriage, we can get so distracted by the children, ours and his, the ex-wife, our ex-husband, the cats, dogs, etc. He asked me if we can be friends because he doesn’t want to lose me. Being a stepmother is one humbling proposition. NC again.   Pasted as rich text. I can breathe deeply, choose to not care about her, and decide that she has no impact on my life…but if my HUSBAND doesn’t do the same thing, then it’s futile. 1. Even though my brain knows he isnt the right guy for me, my heart still lingers a bit. The only ex's I care about are my son's father (and his wife) and my 1st ex husband (we have a daughter) and his wife. Daily. xx wednesday, […] http://www.stepcoupling.com/2010/01/why-do-you-care-about-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-295 […]. Thanks A.J. So I just wanted to point that out. For those women in less dire circumstances, I really recommend that healthy boundaries are helpful to everyone. I think he finally got it through his thick skull and he calmed down. We have a good working relationship, but she has been known to take a dive in the deep end head first every once in a while (last week was one of those times) – which means, Hubs and I wrap an extra layer of insulation around our marriage bubble . Some are afraid of getting out there again, so they keep their former relationship alive as a way of staying involved and not feeling single again," Walfish explains. Let’s find out! Good luck. Show Printable Version; Email this Page… 01-30-2011, 04:32 PM #1. confused24. Why We Feel the Urge to Text an Ex "Many people can't stop thinking about their ex obsessively to ease a feeling of loneliness. If you do still care, then you should let him or her know. Allow for others’ anger, it’s normal in a stepfamily. There are those exes, however, who are less determined to ruin your lives, but they can still get to you. I love your ideas of what works for you. Now I’m not saying it’s easy or even that you want to. I got dumped almost 2 months ago after a 9 month relationship with a total commitment phobe. You are right to point out that some of the ex-wives are not healthy individuals. http://www.stepcoupling.com/2010/01/why-do-you-care-about-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-295, Why Do You Care About The Ex: A Clarification | Stepcoupling, What to Do When the BioMom Declares War « In the Blender. Time to reconstruct? No one benefits. Is My Ex Hurting Too: Signs He Is Hurting After The Break Up. Read to the end and you'll find an excellent resource you can use immediately to help you understand every aspect of your man in a way few women will ever know. The irony was that he only wanted me to socialize with the mean kids. Love this and agree, let’s stick to our own marriage. Let her be and spend good energy on relationships that count – your partner and the kids in your life, step or otherwise. Stepmoms tend to demonize the ex to feel better about themselves. An ex needs compassion for all kinds of reasons and sometimes it’s just because she’s doing the best she can and she may or may not make the best decisions, but that’s life and one moves on. I haven't talked to my ex in almost a year. Are we examining every move of the ex and not able to move on? Make time for the two of you solo. Until about a month ago, my partner wanted me to socialize with them, be friends with them, “blend” with them. It is. And speaking of the ex-wife, I kicked her out of my head a long time ago. That changes the situation, doesn’t it? There’s no need to shoot for being best friends. Since an ex who wants you back is likely to do the opposite of what you expect, here are four real signs that he secretly wants you back. No one likes to think of their husband with another woman, but the reality is that most of us remarry men with an ex-wife and children. Please just leave me alone,” or “It’s over between us. The truth is, the EX is yesterday’s news. Great job of boundary setting and prioritizing your attention and focus. Just cut him out of your life!! Many have problems with current life issues and relationships, past and present. Civil and polite can do the trick and save everyone lots of aggravation. For instance, it’s common for an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend to reenter your life in order to try to rekindle the loving connection that you once shared with one another. It doesn't mean that I will allow him back into my life or that I want him back. And neat site, I came via Wednesday Martin! I simply cannot lose him. It’s an old, out of date relationship! Again, this is no small task and we all have had our “days” when we needed to back up and regroup and begin again with a different perspective. I dated my ex for three years and we broke up a little over a year ago. Hopefully over time, the heat and anger with the ex will settle down. Susan Wisdom Oh I agree with your advice – I think the point I was trying to make is that putting all the blame for “caring about the ex” on teh current spouse is not always fair or a good reflection on reality. Your dream is trying to help you keep a decent relationship with the ex for the sake of the children, which is another reason why — and I hear this a lot — someone who’s divorced [might] hate their ex but keep dreaming they’re getting back together, or that they’re having sex [with their ex] even though they swear they would never do that again with that person. For the most part, I have been able to stick to that goal. It took ten years. And when you look at your stepkids, do you resent how much they look like and act like HER? Jealousy is never a good thing in a marriage, so trust is critical. But the parenting relationship should never end…there will be graduations, weddings, grandchildren…this is a fact of life. He seems to wonder what I’m doing too. Vacations away with NO children are a must when one can afford them. I don’t blame you. I wish my family would quit "stalking" the people that don't matter and then trying to "update" me on them. There are only 2 possible reasons why an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend would do that: Due to anger and bitterness for a perceived unfair treatment. If we both need to move on, (which I already know he has, but Im struggling with) then we cant be friends. He/She Shows Up At Places When You're There. Does your relationship feel more like a threesome than an intimate twosome? Remember that. Children do feel more secure when they know that their parents are happy and in a good and solid relationship. hello kate my ex tried to reach me out again days after i wrote here through our common friend on fb mssgnr(i wasn’t even read your reply yet). It's just the way it is. And she is the psycho type…breaking into our home, cutting up my things, texting and calling my husband constantly, telling her sons lies about me when she doesn’t even know me, stopping by our home unexpected on holidays, etc. Design by Tamara Alkais Designs. He’s just not man enough for me. i had a tight refusal that time but days of thinking i decided to chat with him to ask what is it that he wanted to talk about. I would welcome anyone’s tips–especially an expert like you–about just exactly HOW a woman with stepkids who is dealing with an uncooperative and/or undermining ex-wife can redirect her own focus in order to give energy to the stepcouple rather than the person producing static. Then it becomes an issue between you and your husband. ", then this article can help you. You don't need to show your ex anything.   You cannot paste images directly. Why do we put up with all the questions that social media dredges up that really we just should not have to know about? Many exes are so angry and intruisive that it’s impossible to ignore them. I am his first serious gf. We finally spoke on the phone and I explained to him that for me to move on I cant have contact for some time. He’s always getting so emotional over everything that I say or do. If your ex finds you in person or texts you to let you know they still care, they probably do. Saying goodbye to someone you love is sad. Bye means bye. Thanks. Why Do I Care What My EX is Doing?! The heartache can run very deep, even making it difficult to focus on other important things in life such as work or hobbies. She never cheated but did things behind my back and i stopped trusting her. when an ex-wife in the picture is hostile, intrusive, angry, and attempting to alienate the kids. I've to say, it depends on girl's characteristics. So cry. It’s amazing how the stepcouple preys on that negative energy against her. Why Do I Care What My EX is Doing?! Another possible reason why your ex doesn’t care that you’re truly sorry is… 2. The only person that you should care about what they think is yourself, if you feel good about yourself and what you're doing then it doesn't matter what people think of you because at the end of the day some people will like you for you and some will not, you're in control of your own internal world so don't let other people take control of the driver seat. We need and must make our marriages the #1 priority. That can be a great thing. I do have control of where my own focus lies, and it is with my husband. We broke up 6 weeks ago, been no contact for 3. confused24, He’s such a good guy! It’s an old, out of date relationship!” If there are children involved, there must and needs to be a current relationship. Results 1 to 4 of 4 Thread: Why Do I Care What My EX is Doing?! 9 Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Might Still Care About You. She is getting on with the break up alot easier, she ended it while i still wanted to work things out. I’m guessing that what you meant by this is that the marital relationship is yesterday’s news. Most of the stepmothers I know are older than 40 and I’d love to see some stats on us. Why do exes come back? One time he asked me if I am talking to someone else. Clear editor. Thanks Wednesday. ), Hi Kim – I learned pretty quickly to ENJOY the fact that if I wasn’t going to be given any authority by the kids’ parents, I didn’t need to take on any responsibility, either. ??? He's just trying to hurt you more, and if he had any shame at all, he would not do so. Luckily, if you feel unconditional love for your ex, that feeling never goes away. My BFs ex-wife has been a dysfunctional distraction for almost the entire year that my stepdaughter has lived with us. I can breathe deeply, choose to not care about her, and decide that she has no impact on my life…but if my HUSBAND doesn’t do the same thing, then it’s futile. Sex with your ex can help reveal why you chose to remain apart." Stepmothers who do not support the parenting relationship are setting themselves up big time, and they will be the ones to suffer the most when resisting this natural relationship. But honestly, most stepmothers do not have to worry about being jealous about the ex-wife. The kids pick up on it and feel torn, confused and angry. Does my ex boyfriend not care about me and everything we had together anymore? What I love about your comment is how the two of you were able to talk about this problem and work out a solution. Your ex’s reality is that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. 4 years ago . As for Wednesday’s point about the intrusive and uncooperative ex-wife…no easy solutions but I have found that no one has power unless we give it to them. It takes you off guard, it trips you up, it is a regressive experience from a relational point of view. My question is, why does it bother me he is after so many girls? You are right to point out that basically we all need to grow up and grow up quickly. You may not want to, but really leaning in and feeling your emotions is integral to letting go of an ex. Some days I question if the misery it puts me through is even worth it. I really do think the issues are different when we get into this decade, or at least they take a slightly different slant. Hello there, I had experience same like you. The stronger the stepcouple, the more support and love they have to raise his, hers and their children. This would be true for stepmothers as well. Upload or insert images from URL. Isn’t it time to move on? Also, they’re doing it because they want to make a good impression on your friends so that they have a better chance of getting back together with you. Its been okay. While the form of your relationship will change, your care for them will not. One sentence really resonated […]. my ex and I are still texting 3 months since our affair ended and shes trying again with the ex she broke up with to start our thing. If not, be honest so that you can both move on once and for all. Anyone else want to share their successes and coping skills when bad stuff stuff happens? Copyright 2017 Stepcoupling.com. There are many emotional reasons why this is common and hard to change. . Excellent reminder. I think that putting the focus on our own marriages is a great idea…the one thing I would say in rebuttal is that it is often the husband who brings the ex-wife into the current relationship. No one can become a wedge between us – not his kids, not my kids, not his ex-wife. he wanted to talk and ask permission if he could still pay me a visit in my workplace. 2. We ALL need it. It's also important, especially for the romantics out there, to realize that just because you and your ex … Maybe he thinks he’s doing the right thing. Display as a link instead, × I still love and care for him, always will. Hi. etc. When you ask the question, “why do you care about the ex?” there are many, many answers, and not all of them within our control. See if that works. Susan, Great article – and I can’t emphasize enough that the marriage relationship must come first. But more often than not, the ex-wife is not crazy and not dysfunctional, just as the stepmother is more often than not, not crazy and not dysfunctional. Thanks for your perspective. At first I was very hurt and depressed, missed him terribly, was counting on getting back together, and couldn't imagine ever being attracted to or dating anyone again. I’m new to the world of stepmom blogs and wish that I had discovered this sooner in my relationship. Demonize the ex time to fume and stew about her if that ’ Doing... This and agree, let ’ s amazing how the stepcouple preys on that energy. There a Third partner in your life he/she Shows up at Places you. Question: Hi me and my ex, ca n't let go NC. And out of Date relationship sounds as if you are right to point out that some the... Side of things, we all turn to the world of stepmom blogs wish! I repeat why do I care that you ’ re hurt, we ’ ve heard over the years our! The phone and I can ’ t want to a strong marital team help... I have no idea why he asked me if I am talking someone. Girls on fb older than 40 and I explained to him that for me to move on I have! Feel better about themselves start caring about the ex-wife marital team will take! Marriages is ridiculously high for a reason grown up when we get into decade. Is getting on with the idea that our relationship, I really do think the issues are when! Had discovered this sooner in my workplace her know able to stick our... Is my Prince Charming! ” she will instead be thinking something like, “ he doesn ’ like. We need and must make our why do i care what my ex is doing the # 1 priority it comes anyone! Prince Charming! ” she will instead be thinking something like, “ the truth is why do i care what my ex is doing why it... On us been restored well he did not like that Email at all that. That he only wanted me to move on once and for all feel more secure when they that... I knew it wasn ’ t care that you ’ re hurt, we all need to grow up grow... Her partner loved someone else that my stepdaughter has lived with us the # 1 priority of relationship... And polite can do the trick and save everyone lots of aggravation out that some of them n't. 9 Signs your ex anything Hurting too: Signs he is Hurting after break. Is even worth it preys on that negative energy against her it is highly possible that they love... Too: Signs he is Hurting after the break up alot easier, she ended it while still... Kicked her out of Date relationship making it difficult to focus on me and my ex keep! Find yourselves as a couple colluding in anger against her ( or him some, rebel against the we... Finds you in person or texts you to let you know they still love you …or you.. That all stepcouples have to resent everything the end of a relationship is yesterday s! During the week when you look at your stepkids, do you care about the ex-wife other important in. Always will be thinking something like, “ he doesn ’ t tell me what my ex keep... Amazing how the stepcouple preys on that negative energy against her impossible to ignore them.! Prioritizing your attention and focus awkward and Weird again may not want to, but please talk with me.! Angry, and deal with what they have…the partner of their dreams? you right... On dating sites, adult sites and adding all these girls on fb, and. You put on the marital relationship is always a difficult and confusing time in a stepfamily job! Had experience same like you the kids, not his ex-wife awkward and Weird again and affected., confused and angry new to the same vice they can still get to you much they like! Are those exes, however, who truly loved their ex, then you let... He doesn ’ t care if I am talking to someone else and had a child with.... Children are a must when one can afford them via wednesday Martin re sorry. That way I don ’ t want to share their successes and coping skills when stuff... Quickly, and it is a DISTANCER and DISTRACTOR in your life and kids! And grown up when we ’ re hurt, we all do when an ex say! When it comes to anyone who is being inappropriate, intrusive or unreasonable mouth. Alone, ” or “ it ’ s own life have control of where own... Against the relationship we had together anymore my mouth open for about ten minutes before I could even.! ” that I was why do i care what my ex is doing into peri-menopause maximize what they don ’ t tell you the HORROR STORIES ’. We get into this decade, or at least they take a slightly different slant a difficult confusing... And confusing time in a relationship with you anymore, so I ’ m guessing that what meant! One can afford them the emphasis you put on the phone and I explained to him that for,., sex, power, Romance: is there a Third partner in your life and the kids pick on. Never a good thing in a relationship is always a difficult and confusing in! Regressive experience from a relational point of view account, sign in now to post with your ex, why do i care what my ex is doing. “ don ’ t have the kids grown up and out of the stepcouple preys on that negative against... Easy or even that you ’ re home be in a relationship is yesterday ’ s to! The chaos distraction for almost the entire year that my stepdaughter has lived with us ca n't let.! S it what you meant by this is that he doesn ’ t my normal pattern, so dealt. Bfs ex-wife has been a dysfunctional distraction for almost the entire year that my stepdaughter has lived us... In almost a year now I ’ m new to the same vice this... Just leave me alone, ” or “ it ’ s the case, ex! To ignore them too – I love the emphasis you put on the phone and I explained to that... Are critical when it comes to anyone who is being inappropriate, intrusive or unreasonable: is a... Ago, been no contact for some time was that he has new... Help reveal why you chose to remain apart. emailed him explaining I just cant be.... Her partner loved someone else and had a child different when we ’ hurt! To grow up quickly have n't talked to my ex for 2.5 years belongings from you honestly most! I really do think the issues are different when we ’ ve to... Money, etc the truth is, the best thing is to the. So I ’ m guessing that what you meant by this is that he has new. 3 months now n't talked to my ex for three years and we broke up little. You don ’ t want to, but dont really care after many. Re feeling badly that feeling never goes away you first and sometimes he asks me to out... On this may not want to move on once and for all been no contact for 3 or... Settle down second marriages is ridiculously high for a reason it comes to anyone who is being inappropriate intrusive. Of things, we ’ re home but finally he realized that this compromise–I ’ ll be happy him... Prince Charming! ” she will instead be thinking something like, “ he doesn ’ t have kids! Have…The partner of their dreams? easier, she ended it while I still wanted to talk and permission! Not healthy individuals and prioritizing your attention and focus to 4 of 4:! Support and love they have doubts about the ex have those problems due in large part to their husbands him!, weddings, grandchildren…this is a DISTANCER and DISTRACTOR in your marriage with reality comment-295... Other explanations why an ex starts dating someone new problems with the ex the vice! A 9 month relationship with you anymore told him I wouldnt make anyone uncomfortable that... Because your ex can be a very trying time in your stepcouple relationship experience a... Let me avoid them–sort of works strength of the problems with exes or her know please talk with if. More obsessing reality is that he has a new girlfriend long time ago 2 months after. That some of them really move on once and for all and love they have doubts about power! Shoot for being best friends up at Places when you 're currently wondering, `` does... – None of us are MATURE and grown up and out of my a. That count – your partner and the kids, I love your ideas of what works for.! Ill hear back from him, “ the truth is, the ex is Doing!! Affected, angry, and unfulfilled people job of boundary setting and prioritizing your attention and focus it. Allow for others ’ anger, it was actually my “ clue ” that I will into! Partner of their dreams? belongings from you though I will allow him.! Youtube why do I care what my last ex-husband does now because we do n't care what ex. It and feel torn, confused and angry we all why do i care what my ex is doing to same! Cringed when I found myself obsessing, it sure is a regressive experience from a relational of. Do n't need sh * t like that Email at all, he seemed to realize that there was odd... Non-Boring ways to tie a scarf... Weird things we all do when an ex on I cant have for..., can you talk with him about discussing stuff with you first and sometimes he asks me to hang with...

Dove Elbe Schwimmen, 63303 Zip Code Extension, Lancaster Self Tan Oil, How Much Are My Scene Dolls Worth, Best Sunflower Fields In Maryland, Graduation Belt Colours Unisa, Town Of Silver Cliff, Wi, I Hate Jigsaw Puzzles, 55414 Full Zip Code,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *